Blagman in the Wild

Product Numbers: 195-197

Not all of the goodies I review on the site are sent in by kind minded companies, and thus I’m sometimes forced to go out in to the world and find things for free. In the past this has led me to the Spring Fair and Toy Fair, where all manner of weird, odd, crude, and unusual products have come my way. So it’s once again time to celebrate the free samples that can only be found out in the wild….

The Dolls House Emporium

Not only does this doll look unnervingly creepy it also comes with a warning message that claims it is only “for adult collectors. Not suitable for children under 14 years”. Taking a shape and bearing a face the most like Miss Piggy from the Muppets you’ll ever see in doll form, this doll comes in at just taller than a finger making her the perfect size for most dolls houses. She’s a little taller than Sylvanian Families, but you’d have to be mad to corrupt their world with dolls like these.

As for clothing it’s all well made, and the long blonde hair at the back of the figure only adds to the realism. Heck the main reason the doll is so creepy to begin with is because it’s so lifelike, and therefore if you are looking to construct a dolls house you may as well look these figures up, as they will only add to the authenticity of the home inside your home.

The Simpsons Movie Badge Pack

It wouldn’t be something to do with the Simpsons without a downpour of merchandise, so it’s with no surprise that the Simpsons Movie has had a tsunami of books, toys, lunchboxes and other assorted tat around every corner. Well for those of you who either a) collect badges or b) put badges on your backpack/ man bag/ punk bag it’s good to see Matt Groening has got you covered too.

Coming complete with four badges there’s something for everyone. There’s a Simpsons Movie logo for the movie fanatics, a deformed rat with 20 eyes for the freaks, a movie quote (“God works in annoying ways”) for those who like the show’s quick wit, and a naked Bart on a skateboard for the ladies. And that pretty much wraps it up.

Newspaper Bag
Last this week there’s the newspaper bag from The India Shop.co.uk. You can buy these for 25p a pop although as you can see from the below photo things didn’t quite work out very well:


Yep the bag ripped after just a few journeys, thankfully on my car floor, rather than in the middle of a city centre, but considering I had nothing sharp in the bag that came as quite a surprise. Stick with recycled carried bags from the likes of Virgin Megastores if this looks like your kind of thing as these newspaper bags aren’t even fit to hold your fish and chips.

King of Fighters XI vs MI

Product Number: 194
How Much: £19.99 Each
Where can I Buy: Amazon.co.uk

The debate over 2D and 3D gaming is one that has been going strong for the past ten years, and it’s something that could be talked about in length for an entire book. But none of us really have the time to read something that long (and possibly boring) so let’s sum things up in less than 500 words by taking a look at the two latest additions to the King of Fighters series, one of which is in 2D and the other in 3D.


Firstly there’s Maximum Impact 2, the latest attempt at bringing the 2D flat sprites of the arcade in to 3D motion for your living room. From a marketing point of view that should have been a brilliant concept, but sadly there’s an overall lack of confidence all around. The first sign of weakness comes from the back of the box which only features screenshots from a rather limited ‘Extra Missions mode’. This mode includes four short mini games encouraging you to trash a car (because we didn’t do that 10 years ago in Street Fighter), push back a steamroller and even beat the tank from Metal Slug. The saddest part of all is that this really is the most enjoyable part of the game.

No doubt the marketers decided not to include shots of the actual fighting in action because character models lack the same charm they do in 2D and because the fighting moves themselves have no visual gratification at all. Punches make contact with an odd yellow flash, so there’s no sense of contact and fighters hands and feet can pass through their opponents, with generally poor collision detection in place.

The only real saving grace is a nice mixture of characters and an incredibly rich challenge mode which offers some variety for those who stick with the game. Mostly this involves short battles forcing you to only fight using specific attacks, dodges and guards, all of which helps to improve awareness of the combo system and will make you a better fighter.

Challenge mode also features prominently in King of Fighters XI, and it too promotes awareness of the combo and battle systems with your ultimate goal being to nail a 204 hit combo. Unlike its 3D brother the visuals in XI are superb and although the sprites look dated (you can still spot the individual polygons that make up each fighter) their animations and actions are brilliant to watch. Whilst Maximum Impact only offers the most basic of visual flair, XI offers characters that fight by throwing cards, swinging knives and flicking yoyos. Even when not fighting the characters in XI swing their bodies from side to side as if to mock their opponents, something which has become a classic touch of the old 2D series, and yet bizarrely something which is lacking in Maximum Impact.

In case you already have a King of Fighters in 2D, there’s an excellent 3 vs. 3 battle system in place, multiple story endings, new combos to master and new characters to unlock for the diehard. Maximum Impact 2 also offers a number of unlock able characters, harder challenges (including stronger tanks to fight!) and a nice number of combos to master.

Whilst at their heart King of Fighters XI and Maximum Impact 2 do share a number of similarities in combo systems, challenge modes and characters it all comes down to visual impact. Which makes it all the worse is that the ‘old’ grainy visuals of XI completely trounce the floor with the more up to date visuals in Maximum Impact 2. Don’t be swayed by the prospect of fighting a 3D tank, there’s much more fun to be had fighting from left to right.

For more screens and info click here

Shock Doctor

Product Number: 193
How Much: £14.99
Where can I buy: Amazon.co.uk

Whilst the rules I put in place at the start of my Blagman quest help to maintain some sort of order and focus, there’s times they can put me in an awkward position. For example Rule #2 dictates that I must review every product I receive, however Rule #4 insists that I oversee a test of every item so as to ensure the review is fair and by no means misleading. Usually this works out fine with Myself, Marie and various sidekicks taking on various testing roles, but when I received a mouth guard for the under 10’s I had no choice but to test it myself.


This was a little down to my conscience (it would be unfair to ask a child to review something which may or may not cause them an accident when playing sports) and mostly down to the fact I don’t hang around with many 10 year olds that would be willing to test a sports mouthguard, heck they’re probably far too busy playing Wii Sports instead to worry about real sports (not that the prospect of someone letting go of the Wii Remote accidentally and throwing it at your face doesn’t warrant mouth protection).

But I digress. After exhausting my options of testers and refusing to go to a park and suggesting kids put an unknown object in to their mouths (the Political Correctness brigade would be all over that sort of comment) I settled down with the mouth guard and gave it a thorough once over. In terms of packaging the device is well protected in transit and comes with a handy carry case perfect for taking it to sports games and Wii Sports parties.


To set the guard to your teeth you simply pop it in warm water and then place it in to your mouth, clamping down until the guard sets in the position of your teeth. Well actually you need to leave the guard to cool for a little bit first so it’s not hot to touch, and naturally you won’t want to leave it too long or it will reset without a nice imprint of your nashers. Despite not being able to get a true representation of my own teeth (being for under-12’s it was too small for my big gob) I was able to get a feel for the guard, and the part of my mouth I was able to fit inside did leave a nice tooth imprint. After leaving the device for sometime I popped the guard back in and found it still fitted perfectly.

Taking a few gentle knocks to my own teeth with the guard on (as opposed to a full on rugby tackle which the guard will also be equally effective with) I found it was very resilient and that the hard coating at the front was able to absorb the shock.


Although I was unable to give the guard a complete test, I’m also somewhat relieved I didn’t have to wear a real guard and run in to a field full on 6ft 5 rugby players to carry out my test. All in all my micro test was a success and I can recommend the guard to anyone that is looking for a way to protect their pearly whites. And if you can’t take my word for it then the $10,000 insurance that comes with the guard, should be more than enough too. Sure beats a trip to the dentist.