Book: Chapter 2 – Starting up

Chapter 2 – Starting up
You may have gotten this far and suddenly decided that Blagging is for you, that you want to create your own ‘fake identity’ and hit the streets in the search of freedom and free condoms but the journey isn’t easy. Companies aren’t just waiting for someone to come and take products off their hands that they paid cold hard cash to create. Some won’t even so much as pass out a business card without hearing something that convinces they have something to gain from you. And in the face of such cold corporations a catchy name isn’t going to cut it. You’ll need a hook and that was something I knew wasn’t going to come easily.

At first I wrote to companies just asking for free stuff, there was no real goal, no end game, just a curious consumer hoping to sample a few of the worlds little pleasures for free. It didn’t seem like much to ask, the odd leftover out-of-manufacture stock from a warehouse here, some free food there, I figured I’d be enjoying free samples on a daily basis without so much as having to fire off more than a few emails. Turns out I was wrong. One hundred emails sent and I didn’t receive so much as a how do you do for weeks. When I did get a reply it simply read “We don’t give out items to charity” which to be fair was all I was at the time, a charity run on the donation of free items for the benefit of the starving stomach of ‘Blagman’.

So I regressed, I returned to the solace of my humble diggs and their perpetual twilight and stared to think. Sadly I lack a Butler named Alfred so had to prepare my own mug of cocoa as I pondered once again how I would achieve my own brand of world domination. As I thought back to my first days of free goods, the first little shiny CD that had popped through my door one faithful day in December I knew I had my answer. The Internet. What better a place for a superhero in the making to run their base of operations, it would give me a starting point and a focus. Ultimately it would give me a way of getting something through my letterbox, no matter what it may be. Keeping it simple I registered Blagman.co.uk, set up a simple blog and all of a sudden Blagman was known to the world, his not so secret identity visible to anyone who dared type his name in to a search engine.

With an online identity the next thing I knew I needed was a purpose, a reason who doing all of this crazy stuff in the first place and a reason ultimately for having to suffer whatever was going to come my way. What better way to regulate my progress than with a target, a simple goal, yet something that would focus my energy and allow me to reach out to the world. I decided to aim for 100 products, a number which I felt would be easy to achieve at the time as well as also sounding impressive enough to ward off anyone else who wanted to copy Blagman. But what good is a goal without a timeline ? I decided that by April 2007 I’d finish my quest. That would give me a year from when I started and would give me plenty of time to go on the hunt for anything my heart desired.

And then it happened, my aural sense sparked as I heard the letterbox jangle. Expecting bills I prepared my self for some serious shredding but by some miracle it wasn’t a TV Licence warning, it wasn’t even junk mail, just a single £1 voucher for McVities Hob Nobs and a note which simply said “May we wish you every success with your experiment”.

Brilliant! Even though I’d told them absolutely nothing they decided to send me a voucher regardless. What’s even more brilliant is that they replied to the email of a madman and practically encouraged him to continue whatever strange quest he was on. Instantly I was incredibly grateful, so grateful that I decided I’d write a few words for Blagman.co.uk which I’ve included below:

McVities HobNobs
McVities are a bunch of jokers. Whilst I love them for being the first company to provide me with anything free for the site there's something funny about receiving a one pound voucher and finding out HobNobs cost £1.03 to buy from Tesco.

As the first rule of the site is that I can’t spend a penny in my pursuit of the ultimate product this put me in a bit of a situation.

Luckily with a quick trip to ASDA I managed to find not only one packet of HobNobs but two for 99p. Bargain, especially considering the fact that HobNobs are by far the best biscuits ever made. Let’s examine the evidence:

1) That crunchy soft texture. Don’t you just want to eat them all up? doncha! DONCHA!
2) The way they survive dunks in even the strongest cups of tea (Peter Kay can’t be wrong).
3) The fact you'd set up a whole website just to get some! (Maybe that’s just me).
4) The way you turn your back for 5 seconds and they’ve all gone.
Well maybe that last part is a bit of a downer, just make sure you don’t eat them with anyone else around! There should be no doubt HobNobs are the king of biscuits and I challenge anyone to come up with a better biscuit.

And with that Blagman had a voice, an identity that people could identify with. He was finally starting to become a hero that others could trust and his voice was now known around the globe. He had made it in to civilization and was ready to use his powers.

1 Down, 99 To Go

The Book!

Over the past 2 years I've blagged all sorts, but there's been so many tidbits and anecdotes I've been unable to say on the site. Realising that one day they may be useful for other blaggers in the making I popped them all in a diary and over the past few weeks have been slowly writing it up in the hope of spilling all on the blagging process, how I got started and the strange obsessions that come with the territory. So far I've got about 50 pages, and no publisher but that's no reason not to give something away for free to you, my loyal readers. So I'll be posting early chapters from the book absolutely free to give you more insight, if you enjoy it all I ask is you forward it to a friend, leave a comment or drop me an email on mike@blagman.co.uk.

Enjoy!

Prologue
They say 21st Birthdays are a chance to step in to adulthood, a chance to experience new things and to see what the world really has to offer. But do things really change? We still try the same products, we still visit the same stores and the only thing that seems to change is our ability to consume alcohol through a funnel. So what if we saw each Birthday as a chance to try something new, to open ourselves up for just one day to the other products and experiences around us? That’s what I decided to do just before I hit the big 21, although being a broke student I knew I’d have to improvise.

I knew I’d have to Blag, and that’s how this whole thing started….

Chapter 1: Live for free, what a dream that would be
For those uninitiated in to the world of ‘Blagging’ allow me to give you a quick crash course. First coined as a term to describe the way celebrities can get anything from a new pair of Gucci shoes right down to a necklace for their dog Fru-Fru it means getting something for nothing. Naturally this comes easy for our celebrity-status friends as any product they’re given for free usually ends up on the pages of Heat or Dog Owners weekly, meaning instant exposure for the brand. Although this doesn’t always work as HP found out when they gave P Diddy a diamond encrusted Apple iPod. Whilst the diamonds spelt out HP it was ultimately Apple who went on to benefit and HP’s own brand MP3 player is just an oft memory in some marketing room.
Diamond encrusted iPods are just one example of the over the top products that have made their way in to the hands of celebrities. At the Oscars in 2006 each attendee was given a goodie bag worth an estimated $100,000 including: A Portable DVD Player, silk kimono, espresso machine, a trip to Hawaii (worth $25,000), and even a Diamond Encrusted Digital Camera. Gotta love the diamonds.

As for me the first thing I ever got for free was a video game which was sent to me for an old gaming website. At the time I thought it was fantastic, a £40 game right on my doorstep and all I’d have to do was write 1000 words to keep it. Brilliant! Whilst I’m sure the review was only read by about 12 people the PR company seemed to love it and over the years I managed to accumulate a fair share of games from other companies too.

This got me thinking, what if I could get more than just games for free? If I set up a food website would I ever have to pay to eat again? Would a toiletries website mean even toilet paper would be something I could get for free? And what about everything else, what if there were no limits, what if I could find a way to get absolutely anything for free?

But lets take a step back for a second for a quick reality check, I’m no celebrity, I’m just your average Joe student with no celebrity status or journalistic experience. What possible reason could companies have for giving me products for free? I’m not going to make their products world famous overnight and I’m certainly not going to be appearing on the front cover of Heat any time soon so why would they even bother? Why possibly give perfectly good products to a complete stranger when you have absolutely nothing to gain in return?

It’s something I pondered about for a while, in fact I pondered about it so much it would have given even Pinky and the Brain a serious headache if they even attempted this level of pondering. The more I thought about it the more I just kept coming back to the same point, if I can’t become a celebrity overnight then I’d simply make one. Surely it wouldn’t take more than a few words to invent one, a new caped consumerist, someone citizens could look to for information on anything from reviews of toiletries to toys, food to fashion… someone called Blagman. And on that faithful day Blagman donned his suit for the first time, an average Joe on the scrounge for free stuff. Little did I know the evil I would face along the way….

Go to Chapter 2

Tonic T-Shirts

Product Number: 223-224
Price: £16
Where Can I Buy One: Tonic T Shirts.com

Back when the .com boom happened most of the sites that went down the plug hole where barely missed, but there's always been one site which I feel had the right idea and should still be around today. The name escapes me, but it was a UK clothing site where you could create a virtual you, this figure would embody your height, weight, and all the dimensions you cared to enter. Then as you browsed the site you could pop clothes on your virtual you and see how they would look. A genius idea yet one I've never seen replicated on any other clothing site, as without it I have no idea how you can tell whether something will fit online.


Given my streamlined build (e.g: skinny) this is a concern of mine given that a small T-Shirt can from some places still replicate a tent. Whether it be at a music gig, or an online store if you can't see the T-Shirt first you never quite know whether small, medium or large will do... So when Tonic T-Shirts offered to send over a T-Shirt for me to review I had no idea what size to ask for. I opted for small expecting a bloated baggy T and was pleasantly surprised to find it fitted like a glove.

Not too tight to restrict movement and not too baggy to look stupid in, it was a nice fit for my frame so in that respect everything was spot on. It certainly improved my overall opinion of Internet shopping, and they do list chest sizes on all their T's so you can get a better idea before you buy if it'll fit well.


Given that the company was set up by two graphic designers it's no surprise to also find that each of the T's have unqiue designs and the two we received came with great pictures and slogans. The first pictures a mass of hair and the slogan “Hasselhoff Hair Design” whilst the other features Kathy from Eastenders and the slogan “Breathfast at Kathy's”. Possible copyright infringement? Who cares when the shirts rock this much.

On the plus side of things Tonic also spread the eco love by staying away from sweatshops and keeping all their workers in sanitary well lit conditions. They're organic too which means the fashion equivalent of Jamie Oliver won't have to gas anyone to prove a point. The full ethical statement is here so give it a look if you fancy it.


They may not have a virtual me, but their ethical practices are a nice step in the right direction and their photoshop skills produce some great results. Have a browse and if you see what you like you're just a chest measurement away from knowing it'll fit you to a T(Shirt).